| Eileen's profileNui Valentia SpacePhotosBlogLists |  Tools  Help |
Nui Valentia Space~I always have the feeling that I'm just another human being.~ |
||||||||||||||
|
November 29 feeling out of placeI dunno why suddenly i feel so alone. yes i have everyone around me. but suddenly i miss my time in kuching. i miss all my frens and i actually miss the lifestyle there.
i am still here in brunei. still stuck here. my life everyday...it consist...waking up, going to a work tat pays me peanuts, coming bck home, maybe workout (if i hv transport) and then...back home again...then sleep...and the cycle repeats itself...weekends u can say i do hv some life. that when my frens o my man comes back home...but wat is there to do here...
love life? ok it fine one mint and then next boring...extremely boring.
 ..many times i just feel like ending it cuz i see no point of going on when i still feel bored....but then again, he is a great man...prob is...he works too far and he works take up alot of his time...boring rite..nothing bout his job but just me. i am now in my dead end job typing my life away. thinking when will my time come. seeing all my frens studying ovrsea o earning proper wages make me wana cry
 and really angry with the way things are...for now i cant afford to study. trying to get loan to continue my studies is getting impossible cuz my dad..(i dun want to talk bout it ) and send my cv everywhere in brunei...until now..NO FREaKING JOB.. 2 interviews i went to, both of them turn me down.one of them nvr get back to me and the other i am ovr qualified....*gawd* i am praying tat there must be a reason why i am stuck like this..and pray that god can give me an ans and show it to me.u know seeing my frens buying new clothes and shoe and other stuff make me so envious
...i cant buy those things.  my salary come out, it would be enough for me to pay my fone bill *tat not even reach $50* and for the rest of the mth...just leave on tat..i dun want to ask money from my parents cuz i feel i burden them enough. i dun like asking my man money cuz i will feel such a burden. *if i go out with him...i only required him to pay for my meals...if he wants to buy me stuff..i will take it as a present but i wont ask*here i feel i am so alone.
.stuck between two worlds. here i dun belong here cuz of i feel trap, and the other i feel free-ier but yet i am unable to go there. feeling trap here cuz i cant do things on my own...hv to rely on my family for food and shelter and transport, my frens for bring me out. i cant drive . i cant do thing i know i can do...here in brunei u hv to know how to drive to move about. i want to send all my cv here and there...but icant. rely on post office and help from my frens...*if they willing to help tat it*now feeling so blue because i still stuck with this. now waiting for a proper job, i am working ( more like hv to work) wit this peanut paying company who forever gives me empty promises...*and i am the one they rely on and puas kena marah* i am still working cuz to keep me sane..and to use the company free internet excess...cuz at home, very difficult to get to use it this long...oooo..
ok la i gtg...need to finished some things b4 kena marah again...arh...i am longing for a holiday...i really need it so badly...maybe to bali :D*wishful thinking*
 i pray tat something is coming really really sooooooooooooooooooooon....September 01 read this......hahahhaa
August 12 Home Sickthis might sound weird that i grew up here in brunei and almost all my life i been here.. but i still consider Kuching my home... and the weirdest thing is that my Hostel room 330 is my home. the hot and humid during the hottest month of the year which most ppl would kill them self to be in that small room with 3 other crazy gals (i love them) but i still consider that home. for three great years i been there. i learn alot and made alot of good frens... i dun miss INTI one bit but i miss thay hostel and the frens i made there. me being in kuching i have my sense of freedom and i love it every single bit. hehe... wat else i miss bout kuching? here the list.
1)Food
2)Eating Stalls/ Cafe/ resturants
3)Place to Hang out
well this are now that i can think of. cuz that was wondering in my mind for awhile...i am actaully craving for Aunty Sim "spicy ikan billis." ( i dunno the name..glo help me with that one)...
August 03 wake up the wrong side of the bed Woke up in the morning feeling so crappy. i wanted to die. my mind was so empty like as if someone took my mind away. i was not able to think straight. at that point i wish i know the feeling of euphoria.  Getting up from bed was a hassle. i was thinking wat excuse i can give for not going to work then i was thinking wat the hell. just go to work la...it better to be bz then to lay on the bed to feel sorry for myself.
work was fine. regular friday ...nothing much to do.... thinking wat to do this night...being friday night and all...then i remember...it brunei...wat is there to do?
all the sudden i wish i was in kch. wit all my frens. and places to hang out. i really miss water front esp at night. all i wish i can go back there again. just one more time. most of all i miss my memories...
well enough bout that. i am not going back anytime soon...so to even think bout stepping on Kuching ground is just hard to imagine. Y? cuz my dad say Not NOW!!...nonsense old man...*sigh*....
now i am at home..just in front of the computer...thinking wat else to write of my very boring life. now when i think bout y am i not very social...wat is there to be social here? hang out at the town car park praying that u wont get chase by cops and compete who has the nice gadgets o car?!? wow...fun eh..
 o well this is wat i get i guess..wonder wat i did in my previous life?!?....... Between 2Things between me and Captain, the man i am currently going out with are going well...but truthfully i am still not ovr Villan. i want to move on but everytime i want to, sudden tot of him. remembering all the good memories and things we been thru. i know tat is not good. i know Captain is way bttr than Villan but y is that i cant forget Villan? behind those smlie me and Villan had our issues... fights and immature attitudes towards each other kills our relationship.
man i remembering those fight, how much tears i have wasted...the amount of tears i cried, i can actually fill a swimming pool*...haha...imagine tat? salty pool? euwww....*
God i dunno y am i so confused? Captain is a great man. damn he pamered me like noone ever did, buying me expensive stuff and treating me out but yet i am feeling so guilty bout it. the moment i been dreaming bout i am feeling guilty bout it? *wat the deal man? ~GOD!~ GUILTY???!??!?!? i am not right in my head...someone please send me to 7th mile!!! *
but y am not crazily inlove with Captain like how i was wit Villan? y am not forgetting Villan by now?
I went out with Captain cuz he good looking...(who dun want a goodlooking army staff sargent who is tall dark and has six packs and doesnt smoke!?!?!?! ) but i didnt know that both of us will fall for each other and PLUS he end up loving me to bits??!?!?!
am i lonely? no i hv Captain. am i not getting enough TLC? no i am getting alot from everybody here not only from Captain. am i not getting pampered? hell no i am getting ovr pampered...remember guess sunglasses??? then wat the hell is wrong with me? religion? maybe...Captain is a muslim and i am a christian...is that y????
GOD I'M STUCK BETWEEN 2!
i know this is so crappy...but i just wan u all to know that CAptain is no rebound. he was never a rebound...NEVER!
i just feel to write down this..anyway i have not written down anything for ages... |
|||||||||||||
Send a private message
Subscribe to RSS feed
Tell a friend
Add to My MSN
Add to your network
Sign up for alerts
You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive
You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.|
|
